Maitengwe Trending Stories With Yours Truly

Lo and behold, things are happening—and happening very fast!

Welcome to Maitengwe’s trending stories for this week with yours truly. Grab your popcorn and let’s dive straight in, starting with our neighbors who never cease to amaze…

South Africa

Yes, South Africa. This week, the Constitutional Court passed a law legalizing men to take their wives’ surnames. This has sparked heated debates about cultural erosion in our society. Who knows, maybe the devil’s headquarters might just be in South Africa.

Surely, you can’t deny it—this is the same country where random unemployed people roam hospitals chasing away patients on life support. Now it’s also the country where a man can opt to adopt his wife’s surname.

Indeed, bad things are happening in South Africa, Trump has always said.

America: The Death of Charlie Kirk

Moving abroad, I learned with shock about the death of Charlie Kirk. Funny enough, this was my first time hearing of him. A conservative activist, described by many as racist, he was shot dead by a 22-year-old while delivering a speech at a Utah campus in the US.

” But unlike South Africa, the killer was tracked and arrested within 33 hours. Meanwhile, Senzo Meyiwa’s killer in South Africa remains unapprehended 11 years later. Anyway, that’s not my business. Rest in peace, Charlie—you never shied away from speaking your mind, and you died while doing just that.

Bad things are happening in America—“ South Africans will say.

Back Home: The “Luxurious” Train

Lets forget the Americans and the deputy devils, the South Africans and come back home for more serious things. Yours truly has been informed that we launched a “luxurious, state-of-the-art” train from Harare to Mutare.

Well, after seeing the pictures sent by netizens, I quickly summoned my dictionary to recheck the definition of “luxurious.”

And the price? $60 for a 5-hour journey. By air, it’s $85 for 30 minutes. By road, $10 for 2 hours. I’m no accountant, but I only have one word: tiri kunyara baba!

City of Kings and Queens

Moving away from the train, we land straight in the City of Kings and Queens. What a wonderful sight as people celebrated the founder of the Matebele Kingdom King Mzilikazi—a rich cultural event held on 6 September in Mhlahlandlela.

Bayethe kamatshobona, Bayethe wena wezulu

But wait, yours truly is also informed that someone else won’t be left out. He has declared that his day will be on 15 September. Well, who can stop him? Maybe he deserves it too—and yes, yours truly will be there on his day.

Israel vs Qatar

Oh wait—Israel attacked Qatar this week. But isn’t Qatar a friend of the US? And isn’t Israel also a US ally? What happens when a friend attacks a friend’s friend? International Relations students, answer that one for us.

Bukalanga: Predator Finally Caged

Back home in Bukalanga, the long arm of the law finally caught up with Cabangani, known as “the Predator.” After 20 years of fear and speculation, celebrations erupted as he was jailed.

Stories about him are legendary—some say he was untouchable, others whisper of witchcraft. At one point, he even forced a police officer in charge to resign after kidnapping his mother to pressure him into dropping charges.

Finally, the Plumtree magistrate sentenced him to 20 years on charges ranging from murder to rape, with more still pending.

Go and See Victor

Lastly, Fridays are for ‘Go and See Victor’ and this Friday belonged to Prophet Selo, my favourite and since he is my favorite , Yours truly wont banter much. And to the giver, please give whoever you want, after all, it is your money, and the Bible says, “You will always have the poor among you.” Varombo muchagara munavo.

Halleluiah !!!!!

These have been the trending stories from Maitengwe. Until next week, Yours truly is out!