Maitengwe Weekend Trending Stories : Iran is far away from Zimbabwe

The missiles are hovering somewhere above Yours Truly, yet strangely I do not panic. In fact, Yours Truly still feels much safer here in the Middle East than walking certain streets back home- Hillbrow… Makhokhoba… you know the places.
Welcome to the Weekend Trending Stories as we enter Day 8 of the US/Israel war with Iran.
Hey bafethu… war is not for the faint-hearted. Missiles flying everywhere, sirens screaming, and in less than twenty-four hours Iran has launched strikes touching more than seven countries. The region is shaking.
But then again, who can really condemn the reaction? While neighbours in the Middle East are crying loudly asking why they are being attacked, Yours Truly has a simple answer for them:
You cannot hide my enemy in your house while he is killing my children… and still expect me to treat you like a good neighbour.
Nada.
And so the war rages on. Missiles launched. Some intercepted by the mighty UAE defence systems, others falling somewhere far away from Yours Truly’s morning coffee.
But the question remains: for how long?
Yours Truly hears whispers that the Pink Man from America has quietly asked Iran for a roundtable to fix things. But Tehran said, again, Nada.
“How do you ask for talks after killing our leaders, our children, our women?”
The Iranians reminded the emotionally fragile and sometimes unpredictable Donald Trump of something simple: you can kill leaders, but you cannot kill a system.
Now, somewhere on my dear African continent, there are still people who believe today’s Israel is the same Israel of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
That Israel, my friends, was protected by God.
This one?
Protected by missiles.
Spot the difference.
God is a God of peace.
But enough religion for now. Religion, some say, was created when God became silent. One God… yet religion divided people.
Let us move swiftly to Zimbabwe.
Bulawayo Bill Number 3 Amendment.
Hmm.
The names emerging this weekend as the architects of this rather controversial document are interesting. Very interesting. It appears the orchestra conducting this political symphony includes some of my fellow Mthwakazians, while the beneficiaries sit comfortably in the east.
Someone please explain something to Yours Truly.
How on earth does Jonathan Moyo end up spearheading this process? And then go even further by using the courts — with instruments like Inhestuzikazulu — not necessarily to challenge the bill, but perhaps to sanitise it?
Kodaw ke yeyi…
The lawyers themselves are reportedly falling out — Method Ndlovu and others — fighting over money. Suddenly the real intention of the court challenge appears exposed.
Dirty political gymnastics, some would say.
But bafethu… let us talk about Jonso for a moment.
Remember this man once fiercely criticised the late Robert Mugabe. Mugabe then pulled him close, made him propaganda minister… and somehow the same Jonso later played a role in events that helped push the old man out in 2017.
Later he became a close ally of Ngwena. Then again his critic.
And now… they appear to be working together again.
Hmm.
Are you thinking what Yours Truly is thinking?
What if history is preparing to repeat itself?
After all, Jonso once said something very memorable:
“If you want to destroy ZANU-PF… you destroy it from within.”
Ahiyea… kodwa ake siyitshiyeni kanjalo. Let us move to another matter.
Chatunga.
The young man continues to languish in a South African prison. He appeared briefly in court this Thursday for a bail application, but nothing happened.
Why?
Apparently there was no electricity.
Yes — no electricity in court.
ZESA problems are supposed to be in Zimbabwe… but now the so-called Giant of Africa cannot keep the lights on in its own courtrooms.
Hmm.
Kunuka santungwana lapha.
And from what Yours Truly hears, the charges keep multiplying. But ke… let justice take its course.
Now let us take a quick walk through the streets of social media.
Our dear Madam Colonel — the Second Lady — was trending again.
Apparently a Facebook user asked the humble Colonel what her response was to the constant attacks from Temba Mliswa.
The answer?
It exploded the internet.
She simply replied:
“Venezuela is far away from Zimbabwe.”
Remember that line?
Yes — the same line His Excellency once gave to Tucker Carlson when asked about a possible Venezuela-US war.
Hmm… the message finally reached home.
Now let us move to Harare for the NAMA Awards which took place over the weekend.
Normally Yours Truly does not spend much time in entertainment matters — I have a flock to look after after all — but one category caught my eye: The People’s Choice Award.
The winner was obvious and deserved.
But the real shocker was the first runner-up.
A young single mother named Ritz Maclish.
I know almost nothing about her, except that she once cried on social media saying her baby daddy abandoned her.
Yet somehow…
She defeated Mukudzeyi Mukombe himself — yes, Jah Prayzah.
Let that sink in.
Even if you combine the votes of Jah’s loyal fans and the entire Comic Elder fan base… they still would not come close to Ritz’s numbers.
Crazy.
But that is the power of social media.
And so, bafethu, that is it for this weekend’s trending stories.
Yours Truly must now return to his hiding space while watching this war unfold in real time.
Interestingly, the damage to the UAE appears far worse on the internet than it does on the ground.
A reminder:
Social media is not a real place.
Until next time… let us keep moving.
Yours Truly might even try to talk to the Pink Man and the Iranians personally and ask them to lower their weapons. Because back in the land of Mbuya Nehanda, transport costs are rising again.
But ke… why?
Iran is very far away from Zimbabwe.
Until next time.