Maitengwe Weekend Trending Stories: 'Don't fire this man, don't fire this man'

Hallelujah Church!
Yours Truly is back again with yet another round-up of the stories that kept timelines busy, WhatsApp groups noisy, and analysts suddenly overqualified over the past seven days.
As always, we kick off with politics, because Zimbos love politics more than climate change, road safety, or even free Wi-Fi.
Politics: Ever since Mpape stepped onto the political dance floor, everyone, from Temu writers to Facebook philosophers has suddenly become a strategist, ready to lecture ‘mkomana’ on what he should do, shouldn’t do, and what he should have done yesterday.
Social media has been awash with hot takes, cold takes, and takes that should have stayed in drafts. Some say the plan will work, others say it will fail spectacularly, while a few have already labelled it as “Kupusisa Vanhu Part 4.”
At the centre of the criticism is the belief that Mpape appears to be cooling down or downplaying a newly launched platform meant to fight the 2030 agenda. His claim that “there is no constitution” has left many wondering: so exactly, what is his fight anchored on?
Those who passed through school gates (and didn’t jump the fence) argue that Mpape may actually be endorsing the 2030 agenda by default. To them, saying there’s no constitution sounds like quietly saying, “2030, proceed.”
And honestly, the most pressing issue right now is 2030, not the stolen 2018 elections that Mpape keeps revisiting. Lost battles are painful but fighting yesterday while tomorrow is being rearranged can be costly. So maybe, just maybe, those calling it kupusisa have a point.
If 2030 fails, elections are due in 24 months. Which brings us to the Madhuku strategy- disappear, reappear crying foul, rinse, repeat. The cycle continues.
But hey, Yours Truly has no verdict. He is but a Grade 3D student who failed, therefore constitutionally disqualified from serious political analysis. All he can say is: best of luck to Mpape as he re-enters the political dance floor. May the DJ be kind.
Still in Politics: Team Zimbabwe Saints appear to have cooled the waters after a chaotic two-weeks of drama featuring team Mabhurugwa and Paul (definitely not the biblical one), each wrestling for the microphone and the moment.
It all started with a prophecy by a Man of God which was interpreted as an attack by one camp and a divine endorsement by the other. As always, meaning depended entirely on which side of the pulpit you were seated.
To spice things up further, this week another popular man of God from Bulawayo, a familiar face in the business of political prophecy dropped a chilling line prophecy:
“Do not fire this man. Do not fire this man, or there will be chaos.”
Ironically, his prophecies had been touching raw nerves within Team Zimbabwe Saints for some time… until he was reportedly told to go and see Victor in Harare. He returned driving, pockets heavy with cash.
But his latest prophecy might take him to Harare again, this time to surrender what he took or to take more. Either way the man has spoken God’s mind, this again depend on whose side of the pulpit you are.
But who is firing? Who is being fired?
Now the nation waits.
Yours truly watches closely.
Because when the river goes quiet, that is often when it becomes most dangerous. And this sudden calm within Team Zimbabwe Saints? It feels less like peace…
Let’s take a break from politics and enter the mjolo zone,where peace goes to die.
A married woman’s private pictures and videos with her lover went viral after her husband shared them on WhatsApp. Yes — WhatsApp status. The modern public court.
The woman, reportedly employed at a popular fast-food outlet, was allegedly involved with her manager. According to B-Metro, the husband accessed the content and shared it, causing it to spread faster than a rumour in a kombi.
What the Law Says? Legal experts were quick to remind the public:
Under Zimbabwe’s Cyber and Data Protection Act (Chapter 12:07), sharing intimate content without consent is a criminal offence: emotions aside.
Offenders risk: Fines of up to US$700 or up to five years in prison
In short: revenge posting is illegal. Stay away from some phones because they are crime scenes.
In Zvishavane, police arrested a 28-year-old man in connection with the death of his six-year-old niece.
ZRP spokesperson Commissioner Paul Nyathi confirmed the arrest of Takudzwa Wellington Chimutsa. The suspect allegedly assaulted the child for failing to write her name. Sad.
The child’s condition worsened, and she was pronounced dead on arrival at Zvishavane District Hospital.
A painful reminder that discipline must never turn into brutality.

Before we cross the border, let’s do a little shopping and chew on some “good news,” or so they say… According to the RBZ, Zimbabwe has finally hit a single-digit inflation rate for the first time since 1999. 4,1 %
Ooh, masterstroke! Truly a moment to pop the confetti. And now the Central Bank promises a rollout of the new Zig notes soon.
Hmm… but wait… where are the old ones? Yours Truly never actually saw them… Were they hiding behind the cashier at the service station?
My fellow elder at church leaned said to me when this “great news” hit:
“Yazi mfowethu, lokhu kufana lokujabulela ukuthi imota ayikaze yenze i-accident yona vele ingakaze ihambe.”
Meaning: this is like celebrating a car for never having been in an accident… while the same car has never even left the driveway.
Kodwa ke, cheers to RBZ! May the new notes arrive, may the digits stay low, and maybe one day, the car will finally hit the road. All the best, you’re on the right track… sort of.

South Africa
In KwaZulu-Natal, a senior SAPS officer was subjected to tribal insults after a woman demanded he speak isiZulu and called him “kwerekwere”, a deeply offensive slur.
SAPS condemned the incident strongly, defending Col Robert Netshiunda, a qualified and respected spokesperson.
Malema once warned:
“When you’re done chasing foreigners away, you’ll fight each other.”
Looks like the prophecy is loading…
UAE: World Food Summit
This week, the UAE hosted the World Food Summit, attracting over 100 countries. One kitchen. Every flavour. Food as a universal language.
But Yours Truly was heartbroken .
No sadza.
No mazoe.
No Zimbabwean brands in sight.
Maybe it’s time Zimbos plan properly for the next edition, because if food is global diplomacy, we must be at the table.
Lesson of the Week ????
• Politics is chess — don’t play checkers
• Prophecies need wisdom, not WhatsApp forwarding
• Phones can turn love into court cases
• Tribalism weakens everyone
• And if you snoop through your partner’s phone…
be ready to meet the law
Till next week — stay safe, stay sharp, and avoid your wife’s phone.
You might find something that costs you freedom.
Asante sana.